the precipice of a long journey

it is 2351 on 26FEB11, quite possibly the last time we'll see this hour as a two-person family. "we" may not be the correct phrasing, more like me and my ambien-laden, comatose mommy-to-be. it seems such a short time ago we were only tossing around the idea of trying to become parents, funny how many moments in thirty-seven weeks can pass by unaccounted for. I'm not getting nostalgic in the least, there is no place nor time I'd rather be than in than this peacefully silent birthing room broken only by the amplified steam-engine steady one-hundred-forty-two beats of my son or daughter's healthy heart every minute. perhaps I could trade in this megafirm pull out couch for a little down though? excuse me, nurse?

Pregnancy Sucks

i saw a book titled "pregnancy sucks" when i was in my first trimester and thought that this is probably a very honest account of what pregnancy is like, but man this woman must be bitter. i know realize that she was probably at the end of her third trimester and was the only woman out there willing to tell everyone how it really is. now i am coming across as the bitter one and i am not trying to complain, but what is a blog if not an outlet for one's feelings?

now i understand that "it's all worth it because in the end you have a beautiful child" and it is my first job as a mother to carry this child, but man 40 weeks is a long time. no one warns you about the achey, tingly hands, the days when walking is a difficult task, and man am i tired of looking at the walls in the bathroom! someone once said that by the end of pregnancy you would want to revamp the bathroom; i now understand that feeling :)

but it really makes sense. the sleepless nights, the uncomfortable feeling of having a something inside you, and the painful aches are all preparation for actually raising a child. they are what i assume to be only minor battles compared to what is ahead. i am sure that when we reach those dreadful teenage years (i am told they are horrible, can't imagine why) i will be longing for the days of my third trimester.

oh and the cravings. they come and go so quickly! poor zack has to be careful about mentioning food while we lay in bed at night because guaranteed i will want whatever it is and what man really wants to go and buy E.L. Fudge cookies at midnight? and if i manage to fall asleep while smelling the wonderful scents of creamed chipped beef, i will not want that food the next day. its all very strange.

bottom line is that all the complaining, the want for it all to be over, and the wonderment of why we did this, is all because we are ready for the next step: bringing home baby. we are ready for the new tests, trials, and challenges to come. so to all the women (and men) out there, pregnancy sucks and don't let heidi klum tell you otherwise, but i can't wait to experience what all the mothers before me have had the chance to experience. bring on motherhood.

Diligence Returns

Gobble Gobble!!

happy thanksgiving! today happens to be my favorite holiday. it is the one day that is dedicated to reflection and being thankful for all the blessings in our lives. there are no gifts, no crazy holiday shopping, and no stress leading up to the day. its a wonderful day created to give thanks to God.

zack is underway and enjoying a lovely turkey dinner in the warm southern seas. they will be skeet shooting off the back of the ship today giving zack an experience he has definitely never had before!

i had dinner with my parents and for the first time ever we stayed home. it was a nice change but i definitely missed zack today. thankfully, he will be home for christmas!

here are a few pictures of our day and i had zack in mind when i posted them (this is the only way he can see pictures).

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

I apologize for the big break in entries, but here is an update!

zack is still underway, and we finally had the chance to talk on the phone! he is doing well and can't wait until he comes home. about 2 more weeks to go!

I was in puerto rico visiting my dad for about a week. we had a wonderful time. it rained most of the time thanks to hurricane tomas. while i was there, i felt the baby for the first time! it was awesome!! now he or she is moving a lot and i am feeling much of it. it is so amazing! all you mothers were right when you told me that it was going to be incredible, that was a bit of an understatement!

not much else going on around here. time is passing which is wonderful and as long as nothing crazy happens, zack should be home soon. thanks for all the prayers, we have definitely been feeling them and would not be able to get through this as smoothly as we have without them. thank you!

here are some pics from the last ultra sound i had about 3 weeks ago.

why there aren't more sunflowers

on such a day as this, all hallows eve, the eerie silence on the bridge of a drydocked Diligence reminds me how the tingle of fear makes me feel alive. not like the talking picture paranormal activity or its equally amateur sequel, it is the minute sensations of fear in an ideal setting that expose your core and reveal the things that truly make your skin crawl. I don't need ridiculous amounts of gore to clench the plastic arms of my movie seat with white-knuckled fingers... the most frightening movie moments don't reside in the details, they're in the unknown. we didn't have to see entrails when Jack Torrance axed down Dick Hallorann in The Shining, and we all know that flick is downright haunting.

the world is scary enough, if the daily news is any indicator of what is really going on. the events that drive the plots in today's remotely realistic horror films are, scary enough, not a long shot from things that have happened or could happen in our own human race. as I stand here on watch munching on my favorite DAVIDS snack, I can't help but be convinced that the world and those who reside on her surface would be exponentially less scary if there were more sunflowers. maybe its the areas that I've spent most of time in during my two-four years of existence but I unfotunately cannot recall when I saw my last sunflower. it pains me that each of these delicious barbecue-flavored morsels that I so coldly eat and spit are simply aborted sunflowers, brutally harvested, then roasted, seasoned and packaged so that just one person can selfishly indulge in their bounty.

so does the blame trickle down as far as me? every seed I enjoy marks a tally for team evil, team anti-sunflowers. I boast that i am not an evil person, but do I play maybe a miniscule role in the evil that lies dormant in the bowels of this world only to reach the surface and extend its pale, cold fingers to our unsuspecting brothers and sisters day after day?

No. I blame DAVIDS.

from the port main

little creek virginia's naval amphibious base is actually quite peaceful at 0400, and although my rack is exponentially more desirable at this point, this side of pier 14 is preferred to that which consists of drills and a bottomless work list. growing up and having never really spent any extended periods of time anywhere but new jersey, this frequent visiting of new places for purposes other than vacation is beginning to settle in as reality. this is one of the reasons I enlisted, this is a way to see the world; yes, I'll see parts of earth that I would have never been able to see as a civilian, but my world drove to jersey on saturday.
this morning, I am at peace on the port main deck, I am proud of the path I've chosen and satisfied with where I'm at just zero six months in... it's just tough to be away.
the countdown to my advancement to E-4 begins today; it won't be fast, it won't be easy, but it will be totally worth the wait.

go phillies
future AMT3 Pashley out